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The Miracle on Ice: America Hockey Team Defeats Russian Cyborg


On February 22 1980 the Miracle on the Ice occurred, recognized as such because it is the only recorded Miracle which has occurred near ice. Scholars had long debated over whether the crystalline structure of the ice blocked God's powers but in 1980 he proved that his power extends even there proving that the lack of miracles previously was simply because he disliked the cold.
The true miracle events of that day were largely hidden from the general populous by a veil of secrecy and national security. Though there are still those who wish the true makeup of the Russian team to be kept secret it is time for the American people to know.
What is known is that the Russian team was considered unbeatable, having won the gold metal in the last four Olympics each time using the gold in the metals to help fund more nefarious research.
What isn't known is that the make up of the Russian team was far from Orthodox. That research led to the first cybernetic forward in hockey history. Valery Krotov, new to the Russian team not only had a wicked slap shot but had laser beams coming out of his eyes forcing the defence men to wear mirrors to protect themselves.
Even more dangerous though was Vladimir Myshkin, who was actually shape shifting alien come to earth to help the Russians win the cold war. He regularly humiliated hockey players then later dined on the delicate human flesh.
In the end the young American team was able to slip 4 goals past the genetically enhanced octopus which played as the Russian goalie and eek out a victory, but the cry "Do you believe in miracles," was not yelled because of the victory, but in response to the angry Russian team rampaging through the crowd.
The Americans went on to win the gold medals which were used to fund the American Military in the 1980's and led at least in part to the economic collapse of the Soviet Union, while many of the Russian team fell into obscurity. Vladimir Myshkin, humiliated returned to Myshlin prime in disgrace and Valery Krotov had his laser eye res placed with one that sprayed perfume and is now working in a Russian J.C. Penney's.

Prime Minister Shatner

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